If the general topic of sex is taboo in our culture, the subject of kinky sex is even further pushed into the corner of our social spheres. While the franchise of Fifty Shades did bring conversations pretty front and center, it wasn’t the most accurate portrayal - and even still, kink and BDSM largely remains in the dark.
This means that we don’t always have resources or access to kinky tools (including education) and that makes it hard to figure out where to start - or even figure out what you like. We aren’t exposed to the possibilities in a healthy and accurate way.
At its core - BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism) is an adventurous, sensation and psychology based, fun way to explore and experience your sexuality. It’s a giant umbrella term, meaning a lot of different sexual things fall under it. It can offer a new way to relate to your partner, a spiritual and transformational avenue to experience sex, or just a purely fun way to play.
So if this intrigues you, we have some tips to get started! 🙂
Start with Talking
If you’re completely new to the game when it comes to BDSM, communication is going to be a necessary starting point. To be fair, communication is pretty fundamental throughout the whole world of kink, so it’s important to start practicing!
Consent is a key foundation to any kinky experience, so start talking to your partner(s) about what you like, don’t like, and what you’re willing to try. A want/will/won’t list (download a PDF at the bottom of the page) is helpful here, as well as the green light system of red, yellow, and green to indicate stop, slow down, and keep going.
But beyond those basics - start chatting about what you want out of these experiences, any fears or concerns you have, and most importantly how to keep each other safe and heard throughout the whole process.
These don’t have to be boring, house-keeping conversations. Make them fun and sexy in and of themselves!
If you’re new to the BDSM scene, you might not want to jump right into the more intense features of this type of play. You don’t have to start right off the bat with wooden paddles and ball gags (unless you want to!). There are lighter, more gradual options. A blindfold and feather is a great option, or even some velvet wrist cuffs. Check out these satin ties for your wrist as a way to experiment with restraints!
It’s so helpful to be informed and educated as you embark on your BDSM journey! Learn about the principles of consent, how to better communicate your needs and boundaries, and even ways to play that you have never thought of before. Just like general sex education - learning empowers you to make good decisions for yourself, and gives you the tools you need to keep yourself safe and have fun. There are many online resources (including this blog!), but we also have a number of books in our inventory that can guide you as well.
You don’t need any physical tools to start your kink journey - but often they help! While not completely necessary - tools like restraints, blindfolds, collars, or whips and chains can enhance your experience by A LOT. And shopping, choosing, and buying a new toy can add so much to the novelty and excitement of the experience.
So stop in to any of our locations, or check out our extensive online inventory to get started on your journey. And remember the key fundamentals of consent and communication! Be safe, and have fun.