Practicing kink and BDSM in a relationship has so many benefits. Are you looking to reignite the flame of a sexual connection that feels as though its been blown out? Are you looking for deeper or more sensual experiences to have with your partner? Maybe you’ve always been interested in the “forbidden” and want to explore this part of you that has historically been hidden with a safe partner.
Maybe you simply just find it sexy and want to learn more!
Whatever the reason, exploring kink and BDSM with a partner can be a beautiful way to connect not just sexually but sensually and emotionally as well.
It can also be a little overwhelming if you’re new to it. Where do you start in the world of floggers, handcuffs, blindfolds and whips? Do you just jump straight to sensory deprivation or impact play? How do you figure out where your edge is?
Keep reading these 4 tips for a little clarity - and don’t skip out on the most important one (it’s last!).
START SMALL
When opening yourself up to kinky play as a newcomer, you don’t have to jump straight to the “hardcore”. In fact, it’s probably better to ease your way in. Experiment with light impact play and find your comfort zone. Put on a blindfold to enhance the experiences you already have. Use a feather to tickle the back of your partner.
The beautiful part of kink is that it is a sensory experience. Take advantage of the tools offered and play with all 5 senses.
Easing your way in helps you find your edges, and play safer.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND
While it is vital to not push yourself or do anything you’re uncomfortable with, I encourage you to keep an open mind with your partner. You don’t have to try everything with them, but yucking something that they find interesting creates a less than supportive environment for this type of exploration.
The more receptive you are to the new things you learn about on this journey, the more likely you are to find something you love!
This is adult play - so check your kink shaming at the door.
FOCUS ON SENSATION
As previously mentioned, kink and BDSM make sex so much more than penetration or orgasm. It’s a whole body, mind and spirit experience - and you should keep that in mind as you play and explore.
The more you incorporate different areas of your body, different power dynamics or role plays, the more enhanced your experiences will be. Get creative and find ways to play with each other’s bodies and minds.
Maybe that looks like switching roles (“I’ll tie you up tonight, and then tomorrow you’re in charge”), sensory deprivation with blindfolds and earbuds, or tools that assist in positions you haven’t tried before.
Whatever it is, be sure to drop into your body, quiet your mind and feel all the sensations fully.
COMMUNICATE
And lastly, the absolute most important tip I have is to effectively communicate with your partner. This is a foundational cornerstone of kink and BDSM. Consent is baked into BDSM so much so that whatever you do isn’t even considered kink without this element.
Ongoing and enthusiastic consent is vital - and that’s why communication is the most important element to consider when exploring this realm for the first time.
Talk about everything you want to do or try, communicate your yes’s and no’s, have frequent check-in’s before, during and after, and use this exploratory phase to build trust with each other. It will only benefit you in your future sexcapades!
Beyond these 4 tips I also encourage you to educate yourself further. There are so many different resources out there to learn more about the world of kink, and learning is the first step! Excitement is stocked with an entire kink section of product, and staffed with educated and trained employees who are eager and ready to help.
Stop in to learn more and get some tools for the exciting and sexy journey ahead!